I remember when I first cried while listening to a song.

It wasn't the first time I had heard it, and I have listened to it many times since then without a tear coming to my eye. But, for some reason, on that day the words of “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls really spoke to me.

I remember connecting it to Terrence Pearson. He was my “boyfriend” at the time (though I doubt that he considered me his girlfriend - probably just saw me as a fling). Listening to the lyrics made my heart ache, and I immediately thought of him.

I had heard love songs before, but none of them spoke to me like this one did. It was romantic and heart-wrenching simultaneously, and I still cannot hear it without thinking to myself: “Now that's love for you!” But I am not so sure that the song linked well with Terrence.

I didn't love him. My feelings for him didn't even come close to love. But for that moment, while listening to that song – focussing on the cello-and-violin instrumental and the simple, yet slightly unconventional lyrics – I felt that I should feel that way. It didn't need to be for Terrence, and it didn't need to be right then, but I knew that this was love.

It was then that I found myself sifting through my sister's CD rack, trying to find Dizzy Up The Girl. I knew that, somewhere in between Madonna, Matchbox 20 and Rodriguez, I had seen the Goo Goo Dolls. I took it on myself to sift through my sister's collection on a regular basis, and though I had seen the album before, it had never appealed to me, bringing up as it did images of drugs and raves. But, now that I had found a song on the CD that I enjoyed, I felt that it was time to give it a try.

I played the first song, “Dizzy”, and almost gave up on my efforts. It was angry and loud and not at all what I wanted to hear. I turned to the next song, and found myself listening to “Slide”, and my mood cheered slightly. I went through the entire album, one song at a time, and each one brought out a different emotion. As I listened, I went from feeling angry, to lonely, to sad, to happy. I had never listened to music that made me feel so many emotions in such a short period of time.

My sister was far away at Rhodes, so I took the CD from her collection and began keeping it in my room. When I started University, I brought it with me to Grahamstown along with my own personal CD collection. I didn't segregate them. It had become my own, regardless of what my sister said when she found out that I had taken it.

Over the years, I found more music that spoke to me, and the Goo Goo Dolls began to fade into the background. I no longer listen to Dizzy Up The Girl as much as I used to. But it sits amongst my collection, and whenever I begin to feel lonely or sad, and occasionally when I begin to feel happy, I bring it out and play a song or two. And each time I hear “Iris”, I am reminded of the first time I cried when listening to a song.